CARS, cars everywhere – and not just on the roads. Last month, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (the original one from the *** Van *** film) came to Nunnington Hall, so naturally we took the ankle-biters along to watch it fly/drive past. Well, it was a cheap day out.
Chitty really must be a magical automobile because usually, when my children sit in the back of our car, the big one keeps whining: ‘Are we there yet?’ and ‘I’m BORED’ while wiping chocolaty fingers down the headrest and dropping crisp crumbs in her car-seat as a form of dirty protest.
But we had none of that when she met Chitty. She just gawped in silent wonder and refused to budge from her spot despite the lengthening line of children waiting to take her place; and it was only when I shouted: ‘Lookover there! Is that the Child Catcher?’ that she shifted pretty quickly - although it did cause a bit of wild-eyed panic in the rest of the queue. (Sorry about that. But blame Robert Helpmann: blimey, he WAS scary, wasn’t he?). I hope Chitty comes back to Yorkshire soon because even I got all nostalgic about seeing it in the flesh, as it were. Then again, after we left, I was whistling Me Ol’ Bamboo for three days solid, so you have to wonder if it was really worth it.
This month, there are more car-related events in the county (but of the ‘non-flying’ variety). On August 5th, Sheffield will be hosting its first-ever city centre motor show (which, by the way, is free). The council is calling it ‘a great entertaining day out for all the family’ and promises classic cars and bikes, military vehicles, wedding cars, brand new and futuristic cars and emergency vehicles (the only time you’ll want to see one up close). Then there’s the VW Festival at Harewood House (on August 19th ) that is, says the blurb, ‘aimed at VW enthusiasts who want to show off their cars; and also for the families who want to spend a sunny Sunday wondering around the grounds.’ If my own beloved MK III VW Golf didn’t consist almost entirely of rust and dirt, I’d take it along, too. But it does, so I won’t. I will, however, keep Harewood to that ‘sunny Sunday’ promise.
I’m very interested in car design at the moment, because, for the family MPV, I've just bought (don't laugh) an old-style Fiat Multipla (I said DON'T laugh) – the one with the squashed-looking bonnet and the ‘roll of fat’ underneath the front window. The Fiat Multipla has many plus points. It's good on fuel, it's fun to drive and there's so much space inside that when you start speaking to the person in the passenger seat it’s like you’re yodelling in a canyon.
But it ain't pretty. In fact, it's hideously ugly, and resembles, from the front, a startled frog. From every other angle, it looks like the Popemobile. No-one is going to steal this thing because the Multipla is so grotesque, it acts as its own anti-theft device – and even the execs at Fiat (and they designed it) admit as much. So I am now forced to get used to people stopping, staring, pointing and laughing as I drive down the street, or asking for a papal blessing as I alight onto the curb.
But - ha! - did your car ever hang in the Museum of Modern Art in New York? No. I don't think so. But the Multipla did (albeit with a sign next it to it reading 'Man, that is one ugly car.') So who looks silly NOW, eh? Why. That would be me.
Who knows. You might even see a bullet grey froggy Multipla slap bang in the middle of the Sheffield city centre motor show. If we can’t find anywhere else to park it, that is. Just a warning.